Category Archives: Journal

Grand Gratitude

You’ve been unhappy at your job at for some time & the last six months have been the toughest. Being treated the exact opposite as you should have been.

Just so happened contact with Kim eventually culminated with all the hard work that never appeared to make a difference. You were asked. You were questioned; once then twice.

Yesterday that questioning & answer flowed as words landing in your ears & extended the corners of your mouth upward.

“Good good good stuff!” appeared on the little screen. Upon arrival your grin explained to me the new situation in which you were to find yourself merry.

Knuckes & I are both congratulating you still. You deserve the best.

All the much.


Eric the 13yo boat racer

Last week or the week before you enjoyed the rare improv story I was telling. Not sure how it started & perhaps you can fill in what you remember.

I found some money on the ground while I was walking with Eliot. It had my name on it.

I decided to buy a speed boat with this money but did not want you to know so I shopped, purchased & had delivered said boat to his some Eric, who is 13, His son was to win speed boat races & give the money to charity. I chose him because the PI I hired said he was trustworthy & loved boats. His folks would never find out about this boat becase they fear boats.

In reality the money had been place there by an Afghani man. Although this man & his family are oil/family rich he loves petrol products & runs a gas station in Murphysboro, IL. He happens to live above it with his family. He know, by a hired PI that I took walks on this street a lot & would certainly pick it up. With a thorough investigation the PI established cause that I would do exactly what I did-which is what the man wanted: to get his son Eric into something to get him away from his current friends whom were up to no good.

Anything else my dearest?

≈all the much

Our own language

We have our own language.  We say things to each other that only we would understand.  Let’s start a list:

“Go for it, red (or Fred, or Reddi-Whip, etc etc)”

“All the much”

“Did you have the stuff?”


I know there are a zillion more.  Please add to it!


The Bedda

9th Year


The first words I said to you were Happy Anniversary. We readied ourselves & began the day. You had the morning from hell at work-being double booked all morning long. I mowed Sylvia’s lawn. She & her roommate talked my ear off. She had some other yard work she wanted done but in the end paid me almost twice as much. I got home just in time for Eliot’s waking. I mowed our lawn while I fed him lunch then had him bounce while I showered.

We sat in the front room-him bouncing on the couch & looking for busses & I thinking hard about what small thing I could do for you for our anniversary. Cannoli crossed my mind. Eliot & I drove to Vitale’s-which is closed on Tuesdaya. Then we went to Missouri Bakery where I bought Eliot (& I) 9 cookies & for you & I a piece of tiramisu & a cannoli. Both boxes I hid.

You came come with Kristina to Eliot & I surprising you from behind Jan’s car. I asked you not to exercise so we could spend more time together. We had tacos for dinner & watched United States of Tara.

Eliot ate dinner in his johnny jump up & loved it. We bathed, dried & clothed him for bedtime. He has been saying an extra i love you & a get well to Papa Wheels since he had the seizure a week back.

I made you a special gin & tonic with a touch of lemon balm & a few extra drips of lime juice on top. We did tradies as we watched Jeopardy & followed it up with  Good Eats, Pati’s Mexican Table & one other show neither one of us can remember.

I tried to surprise you with the bakery treats by asking you to get me wine from the white box in the back of the fridge. You read me & later restated I suck at lying. You were so happy with my surprise.

We got ready for & went to bed. Chatted a bit before sleep overcame us. The last thing we said to each other was Happy Anniversary.

Souper Vietnamese

Over the years You & I have melded into one hell of a team in the kitchen.  You’ve taught me editing, tasting & variety.  I’ve taught you experimentation & variety as well.

This past weekend I was cleaning up the kitchen while you & Eliot were upstairs after his nap. I could not stop tasting the soup we made. I was realizing how perfect we are in the kitchen. You made pork dumplings with wrappers we got from Jay’s International & together we made a perfect stock with all sorts of wonderful Vietnamese ingredients.

Cheers to a couple of cooks in the kitchen!

≈All the much

Being your best friend

I love being your best friend.  I love that you are my best friend.  I hate that I have let so much time pass without contributing here, so I just wanted to let you know that I am making a conscious effort to re-commit myself to being your very best friend.  I want you to feel loved and important all the time.  I owe you lots of hugs and kisses.  You are my Beddu.

All the much,

The Bedda

The Future Walk

Two days ago (March 19, 2011) all three of us took a long stroll up to The Future Antiques.  You were on edge at the beginning of the walk because I had snapped at you when you asked if we were leaving soon.  I saw this action for what it is for the first time & was able to explain myself.  We came to the conclusion that somewhere down the line I had picked up a constant need to defend myself.  We were both strong & moved on with your mentioning the upcoming vote for St.Louis City tax. Eliot was being a chill pickle the whole time.

I took the upcoming vote as a similar to what is going on in Wisconsin due to a misunderstanding on my part. This lead me to say something about fear of what is happening in the USA & in the world.  I told you I feared a third world war.

(walking via Shaw South to MF strip)

You ever so patiently explained to me this was a common vote due to its expiration & those initiating the vote are the very ones who want to continue the tax & not eliminate it.   After a bit of logic work on my part I understood.

You then explained about how politics and people’s mindsets are a swinging pendulum, left to right and back again, and that it makes sense that I am somewhat jaded due to the rightward swing we’ve been dealing with, coupled with a short left swing back to the right again.  You told me you were proud of me b/c I was changing & wanted to have less fear.  You said that you wanted me to understand the history of the world better so that I could recognize that things have been worse, and that things currently are worse, for people as compared to the situation in America right now.

I asked you what I could do to understand history & you suggested asking Terry about a book (or books) that gave an impartial view of the history of civilizations.  We were fairly harmonious at that time, just arriving at TFA.  We enjoyed our walk through the store, seeing some shirts we knew would be awesome for me, but ultimately buying nothing.  We left and walked down Morganford, stopping at Local Harvest  to look around their new shop.  We considered getting beer but instead decided to get beer the next day at the grocer.

We enjoyed a lovely walk home through Tower Grove park.  We got to see several geese as well as a couple posing for  wedding pictures.

It was, for all three of us, one of the best walks of  our life.